clockworkjerk:
mytinygayitalianson:
poshxspice:
subject13fringe:
montypythonandtheholyblog:
today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket
❤
today on satan makes a blog post
Life tip: if someone slashes 3 of your tires, slash the 4th one yourself and blame it on the person who slashed the first 3. Now, your insurance will pay for it.
Life tip: If you slash 3 of their tires, hide out nearby until they discover their slashed tires. Take pictures of them slashing their fourth tire. Show police when they arrive on scene. Convicted of insurance fraud and still have to pay for tires.
i feel like i’m reading a Spy vs Spy comic in text format

(via pandora)

3036

"There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or you condemn yourself to being miserable all your days. There will always be people in your life who will try to make you miserable. Don’t help them by doing the job yourself!"

- Laurell K. Hamilton (via thatkindofwoman)

(via vensengarounpseattleloverr-deac)

9934

"But the thing is, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in love with someone (or how long you haven’t been in love with someone) – you can still fall in love with them all over again even if they’re just right next to you. There are just those moments, you know. When you watch your lover’s eyes light up while reading their favourite book or when they scribble down some note and their face does that thing where they look so concentrated; the furrowed eyebrows and the sharp eyes, and in these tiny moments, it’s just… It’s just, you stop what you’re doing for a second and something washes over you. It can never be put into words, but all you know is that somehow it brings a smile to your face, and you just think, “Wow. This beautiful person exists.” Even if you’ve realised it 10, 20, 50 times before on that very same day, it still feels like you fell in love all over again, every time. And you’re pretty damn lucky to feel that way; to have someone like that who could make you feel so much without doing much of anything. Know that it might not ever come again. Hold on to it."

- 5/? from the lessons i’ve learned - n.h.s [percussionhearts] (via percussionhearts)

(via percussionhearts)

420983

voidbat:

baphomeme:
im serious about that “stop saving things for special occasions” bit tho like. even if u aren’t in your 20s. thats for everyone. its one of the most useful things ive learned lately
stop! just stop. eat the special snack. drink the expensive hippie tea. use the incense or the bath bomb or whatever you paid way too much for because you were feeling really bad and retail therapy makes u feel alive
when we save things for special occasions/rainy days it contributes to us feeling like A.) our day to day existence is lackluster and B.) you have to be feeling a certain level of Bad, or have to reach a certain level of Socially Accepted Achievement, to enjoy things
just give yourself stuff. there are definitely sometimes reasons to withhold things from yourself - as motivation, if it’s something you consciously want to use sparingly, etc - but at least for me half the time it just turns into self-flagellation and also cool things and cool experiences and nice treats just collect dust while i wait for some fabled day when i convince myself i finally Deserve it
just fuckin give yourself stuff dude. life’s so mindblowingly short
my grandmother died having only used her china like twice in her life. during the year or so before her death, she was starting to package up and give things of hers to her kids, and gave mom the china while sighing “oh i wish i had used the china more!” and mom tried so hard to convince her to just keep it, then, and eat corny dogs off it if she wanted. she insisted she couldn’t possibly, you need a special reason to use the fine china.

when nana died, we used her fine china as our everyday dishes for years. i was 18 when she died, and never really stopped having that in the back of my head.

now, when i hear myself say “i wish i had a reason to wear/do/eat/use X!” i hear nana regretting never really using her china. and let me tell you a thing:

spaghettios taste great when eaten from fine china.

(via spongebobssquarepants)

552758

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01:	Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
02:	Who did you last say “I love you” to?
03:	Do you regret anything?
04:	Are you insecure?
05:	What is your relationship status?
06:	How do you want to die?
07:	What did you last eat?
08:	Played any sports?
09:	Do you bite your nails?
10:	When was your last physical fight?
11:	Do you like someone?
12:	Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?
13:	Do you hate anyone at the moment?
14:	Do you miss someone?
15:	Have any pets?
16:	How exactly are you feeling at the moment?
17:	Ever made out in the bathroom?
18:	Are you scared of spiders?
19:	Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
20:	Where was the last place you snogged someone?
21:	What are your plans for this weekend?
22:	Do you want to have kids? How many?
23:	Do you have piercings? How many?
24:	What is/are/were your best subject(s)?
25:	Do you miss anyone from your past?
26:	What are you craving right now?
27:	Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
28:	Have you ever been cheated on?
29:	Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
30:	What’s irritating you right now?
31:	Does somebody love you?
32:	What is your favourite color?
33:	Do you have trust issues?
34:	Who/what was your last dream about?
35:	Who was the last person you cried in front of?
36:	Do you give out second chances too easily?
37:	Is it easier to forgive or forget?
38:	Is this year the best year of your life?
39:	How old were you when you had your first kiss?
40:	Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
51:	Favourite food?
52:	Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
53:	What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
54:	Is cheating ever okay?
55:	Are you mean?
56:	How many people have you fist fought?
57:	Do you believe in true love?
58:	Favourite weather?
59:	Do you like the snow?
60:	Do you wanna get married?
61:	Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
62:	What makes you happy?
63:	Would you change your name?
64:	Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
65:	Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
66:	Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
67:	Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
68:	Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
69:	Do you believe in soulmates?
70:	Is there anyone you would die for?</p>

273908

hebavsreason:

robbowmans:
robbowmans:
MY SISTER JUST GOT HIT ON BY THE CHEF AT THE RESTAURANT WE’RE AT VIA THE WAITRESS I’M DYING
THE WAITRESS GOT MY SISTER’S NUMBER FOR THE CHEF AND THEN PROCEEDED TO GUSH ABOUT HIM TO MY SISTER AND THEN A SECOND WAITRESS DID THE SAME AND THEN THE FIRST ONE TOLD US MY SISTER WASN’T ALLOWED TO ORDER DESSERT BECAUSE IT WAS TAKEN CARE OF AND THEN HE MADE HER A TASTING PLATE OF EVERY DESSERT ON THE MENU AND THEN HE CAME OUT AND HE WAS SO NERVOUS AND IT WAS REALLY SUPER SWEET.
More men should present dessert plates when trying to hit on a woman.

(via veni-vidi-dormivi-beta-kappa)

781387

peniscruncher:

dusknoirs:
who was the asshole that decided tattoos looked unprofessional
the generation that did is dying out so don’t worry

(via tacoabel)

343745

curiosityconfusion:

How did people first figure out that it was cicadas that make this noise? I could see that taking a long time.
Were there just like a thousand years where people were like “yeah, the trees are screaming. They do that in the summer.”

(via poolpartyvu-deactivated20191221)

"There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or you condemn yourself to being miserable all your days. There will always be people in your life who will try to make you miserable. Don’t help them by doing the job yourself!"

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

Next →